Here are 5 ways to convey issues in the bedroom to your partner, as written by Kaitling Stainbrook, Prevention.
1. When you’re more sexually adventurous than your partner
There are times when
you’re more into trying new things than your partner. The truth is, not
everyone has that sort of patience. Some people just like to stick to
what they know is tested and trusted by them. According to David
Bennett, the co-author of Be Popular Now, also a relationship expert and
counsellor, “The daring partner may feel like their needs aren’t being
met, while the less-daring partner may feel as if they aren’t good
enough,”
If you’re both at
variance with what you want in bed, then you need to have a real
discussion. Bennett adds, “This is where mutual empathy and
understanding come in,”
Here is what you can do to resolve this, before you start anything, lay ground rules.
“For example, agree that
the daring partner can push the envelope, but has to check in to make
sure their less-daring partner is comfortable,” Bennett advises. You
should have signals and feedback, The adventurous one has to take
permission from the other.
It can be a little “Is
this okay?”. It is important that you keep each other at ease. “And if
you’re the one who wants to pull the brakes, a simple, ‘Let’s go back to
what we were doing—that was hot,’ can help the ‘no’ go over in a way
that is affirming rather than critical,” Bennett concludes.
2. What you like it makes you feel ashamed
We’re different people,
which means you may most likely to be into things that your partner
doesn’t like feel the same about as you. It’s down to communication to
know how to convey this information. “If your partner doesn’t
communicate with you, there’s no reason you should know what they want,
and vice versa,” narrates Nicola Prause, PhD, who is also the founder of
sexual biotechnology company Liberos. Here is how you fix, Dr. Prause
also makes a case that, “Request a behavior that is as specific as
possible and communicate your experience gently, but accurately.”
It’s not enough not to
say anything to your partner about what what you want in bed, and expect
them to read you and get it. To fix this, “Request a behavior that is
as specific as possible and communicate your experience gently, but
accurately,” Prause advises. You can work on scripts that can be
suggestive that can help fill in the gap such as; I like it when you
[blank], but when you [blank], I feel [blank].
The doc says “You could
use this script to say: I like feeling your fingers inside of me, but
when you move them so fast, I feel nervous like I might get hurt.”
Prause says. It can be difficult, but the script can be a good way to
begin.
3. My partner isn’t giving me orgasm
This is perhaps common
among women, for a man. It’s really easy unless there is a medical
condition, in case you’re going through this. Women are the worse hit in
this category. Some women have never experienced orgasm. “In some
cases, women aren’t comfortable talking with their partner about it. And
in other cases, they try to bring it up, but their partner doesn’t
understand or, even worse, isn’t interested,” Steven McGough, director
of research and development at Women and Couples Wellness, and associate
professor of clinical sexology. Once the man has reached orgasm, the
lady is left to cater to herself. It has been scientifically proven that
there is a four minute gap between the average man reaching orgasm and
the lady doing the same.
To fix this, women are
been encouraged to do some alone action. When you do it by yourself and
achieve the desired result, then it is easy to show your partner what to
do and how to do it. “Instead of beginning the conversation by saying
you aren’t satisfied, say that you want to explore ways to increase
pleasure in the bedroom,” McGough states. “Start by asking your partner
what they would like you to do more of in bed or what their fantasies
are. Once they’ve expressed what they want, hopefully they’ll
reciprocate and ask you.
If they don’t, you can
follow up with: ‘One thing that would make me go absolutely crazy is if
you…'” You can lead them into the part of the conversation where you
want it to go. If you’re still not making progress with this, another
method will be to watch porn together, the kind that puts the woman’s
pleasure and experience ahead of everything else.
4. If your partner doesn’t like head
Variants of opinions
always happen in relationships. One thing you’ll realise is that giving
head is a touchy topic with a partner who doesn’t like it. It’s easier
to convince someone into receiving oral sex but way more difficult to
talk someone into giving one. McGough says “The best way to address this
is for each partner to talk openly about what they want physically,” It
is a touchy subject. “If one partner wants something the other isn’t
comfortable or good at doing, it’s helpful to talk about possible
alternatives.”
One way to try to fix
this is to simulation of another kind. “Using oil and good hand
technique or getting a masturbation sleeve [a flexible tube for the
penis that can enhance pleasure] can often be just as enjoyable as oral
sex for men,” suggests McGough. “Women who want to receive oral sex but
whose partners either don’t want to give it or aren’t good at it should
explore using oils and hand massage.”
Starting with this can
help. Also maybe a shower can help your case. McGough opines, “The
perception of being in the shower after washing up often changes how
people view oral sex.”
5. How to tell my partner I’m horny in less awkward manner
Depending on which kind
of couple you and your partner are. It can be off-putting for you to
outrightly tell your partner that you want sex and it can also be
uncouth to an extent. There must be times, when you’re in the mood and
the other person isn’t. These times can be frustrating even with the
roles reversed. “A woman may come home totally exhausted and stressed
out, but her partner is really in the mood. Later on, she’s in the mood
and uses subtle cues to let her partner know, but he doesn’t catch on,”
McGough reveals.
One of the reasons might
be age, “Although they might attribute this to getting older, it’s
really just a misunderstanding and in fact, they may both be in the mood
at the same time and not even realize it.” The fastest and easiest way
to resolve this is to be upfront about it. Tell your partner how it is,
if you’re feeling aroused and need some of that action, just say it.
You can plan date
nights, and make sure the nights are not when you’re both tired from the
work and uninterested in anything else asides from sleep.
Source: Pulse.ng
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